Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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