she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
