shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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