hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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