bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
