Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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