i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
