Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize