Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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