Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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