We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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