Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
