btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
