she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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