My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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