i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
