No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
