Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Randomize
