I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
