I'm going to jail i love you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
