Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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