i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
