she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
