Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
