That's when you crack a 10am beer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
