sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
