I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
