Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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