Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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