beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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