Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
