Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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