Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
