The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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