I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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