i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
