**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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