So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
