allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
