worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
