just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
