Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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