It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
