How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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