Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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