covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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