bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
