my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
