there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
