I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
