I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize