i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
FUCK WHALES
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