batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Houston, we have a blender
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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