Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
