textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
