Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I puked a lego.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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