"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
