when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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