The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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