let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
