Where is the hickey?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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