when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
