A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
