Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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