I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
