I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everclear isn't food dammit
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize