Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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