im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
