We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
