This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
