if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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