Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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