i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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