You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize