def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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