I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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