If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize