Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
