Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
