I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
