Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
