you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
