Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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