It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
