well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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