They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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