how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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