I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
