Your face is a jimmy john
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
