I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want her autograph on my taint
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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