My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
