S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
