Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
