Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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