So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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