I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
