Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
