u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
