Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
