i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He passed out mid-signature
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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