I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
