ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
