You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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