I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
