the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
People in love make me want to vomit
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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